Time for a change

4th day in a row, this is getting outrageous. First of all, I really do want to say thanks for visiting my site and making it somewhat worth my while to continue posting. This is the most votes I've had on a poll in a long time (fine, ever), and a few ad clicks which makes money for me and takes it from the big nasty corporate googlemonster. Sorry commenting is so difficult, I tried to do it a few times and there is this stupid word confirmation. I think I have actually fixed that bug, so please try to comment again because I think the new format will make it a LOT easier. The more interaction there is the more fun, because I'll be the first to admit that my thoughts alone can't keep a site going. On to tonight's topic...

We have all come from a certain background, history, past, upbringing, whatever you may call it. I was raised in the city, by two Christian married parents, with a great older sister, good schooling, and the best friends I could ask for. You may have a similar background or it may be the complete opposite. Maybe your parents are divorced, you had no religion growing up, or you didn't have any siblings to make mistakes to teach you about. Maybe you're a country kid who participated in take your tractor to school day. Or maybe you couldn't afford new shoes for the new school year, and instead had to go to goodwill for the best pair you could find. All of it is irrelevant in who you are today, and yet it complete has shaped the person that you have become. When you meet someone new they have absolutely no idea where you came from or what experiences have shaped your character. But in your own head you know who you are, your inhibitions and hangups, and it feels like a total stranger already knows all of your insecurities.

(I absolutely want to point out that I was the kid who got shoes from goodwill, and lost friends and had to remake them when I switched schools. My upbringing was far from ideal, I just focused on the positives when I wrote it. All I wanted to make clear is that I realize that EVERYONE in the entire WORLD has been brought up completely differently...)


I have had the "what if I had done _______ instead" conversation endless times, and the conclusion for me has always been the same. Yeah it could have been more glamorous, or I could have seen more places, but would I still be the person that I am today? I could have learned the same lessons doing other things or meeting other people, right? I don't know the answer to that, but I do know about the idea of letting your history control your present. I have made many decisions in life that absolutely effect me in the present. Some of the biggest are the school and major that I chose, the job I accepting, the relationships that I have formed, and the way that I have interacted with my family. All of them have had many positive influences and paths opened, but there are always lingering side effects of past choices made.

I have gotten to the point where I have a fairly black and white decision to make. Do I A) Keep living this life, doing what I do, knowing who I know or do I B) wipe the entire slate of life clean and start again in a new place with new faces, experiences, and opportunities. I absolutely have the BEST friends I could ask for, and I have grown to appreciate and love my family unconditionally. But so many people stay so close to home for their entire lives. I really do think the reason I haven't been able to commit to a change is because I am scared of losing what I have had. My life isn't bad, I can't really complain about my situation... but is it worth risking an average, comfortable thing for the opportunity of complete bliss?

The opposite side to the argument is that the life that I am living right now IS perfection. I could potentially have met the girl of my dreams, will never find better friends, and my family is definitely only in Cleveland and Chicago. HOW DO I KNOW??? I can tell you this much though; I really do think that I will ultimately be happy in either situation. The people in my life today are fantastic, and I would never feel like I missed out by "settling" for them being the people that surround me. On the other hand, I do think that I have the ability to meet great new people and start a new life in a new city. The question is which do I choose.

I guess it's an impossible question to answer, and that fate really will ultimately decide. I don't know if I believe in God, but I do believe that we all have a path through life that leads to happiness. Not that it is pre-determined, but that we can all find absolute satisfaction if we are okay with the idea of letting go of the what-ifs. I won't have an answer tonight, or tomorrow... but I think the answer will come from the people and opportunities that find their way into my life in the very near future. I am at a point of change, and am excited for the opportunity as it unfolds. Whether that be here or far, far way, let the journey begin...